..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Im part way to drunk.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
