White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
