I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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