i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
