i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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