Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
