They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
