I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
