Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
