i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
