how hairy? two words: wookie tits
even my farts smell like vagina
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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