I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
