I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
