I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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