perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
