I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
