Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
