Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
