I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I supernannyed him into submission
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
This toilet bowl is my home.
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