my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
