I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
