I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Couch. On fire.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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