..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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