just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
