Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
