Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
