just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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