I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
