Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
