All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
