Life is so much better after having sex.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
