oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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