Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
