i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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