the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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