Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
