You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
