I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
