i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
