also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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