I cannot find my penis.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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