I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
