she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
