last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
