he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
