You're so nebulous sometimes
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
