no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
