Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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