I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
