never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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