I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
