her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
